In October 2015, you were diagnosed with mega-esophagus, we were worried sick about you when you couldn’t keep your food down and kept vomiting it all out. We learned that it was a manageable health condition, adjustments were quickly made to ensure that you are well taken care of. You food was blended nicely and feeding you on a elevated bowl using a step ladder. After each feeding, you will be propped up on your 2 hind legs and Jo will slowly rub your chest to make sure all the food will go down. We will know is all down when you give a nice burp or releasing of gas from the other end. See whichever comes first, but the gas wasn’t a good indicative measurement that the food has all gone down. It was good enough to know that your digestive system is working well. Despite all of that and with your minor heart valve condition and your cataract, you are as happy as ever and mischievously cheeky as before. Relieved that you are recovering fast and gaining your weight back, we are all very happy about it.
Months has passed without any problem. You were adjusting well with the new feeding the method, you were particular happy when a bowl of meat soup were poured into your bowl after you have finished your blended food. Then in April 2016, In a routine night teeth brushing when Jo discovered a small growth at your upper lip. We brought you to the nearby vet clinic to check on that suspicious growth. The doctor gave us a unpleasant news, the growth could be cancerous due to it’s color and odd shape. A sample of the growth was cut and send for further examination, one week later the results came out, it was confirm melanoma cancer. Looking at the size of the rapid growth, the cancer is in stage two. Our hearts sank but we maintain our composure as we seek for advice for medical treatment for this illness. The doctor referred to another canine specialist doctor a local veterinary hospital situated at a university facility. The odds weren’t too good, we are looking at 3 to 6 months remaining time, but we are determined to give you the best medical attention and our undivided attention to you.
We finally checked you in are the local veterinary hospital and scheduled a surgery to remove the growing cancer tumor on your upper lip. The best medical treatment for your cancer was a vaccination that will suppress the continuous cancer growth, though it may not totally eradicated the cancel cells but at least it is under control and it may prolong your life expectancy, given us more time to spend with you. It will take time to order the vaccination and get it delivered here from overseas. Meanwhile, you were in your happy self and curious as ever, making friends with the doctors and the hospital staff. Joyously bouncing from corridors to corridors from doctor’s consultant room to blood test wad to the x-rays lab, sniffing out other people and pets that walked pass you. Everyone was happily greeted by you with your wet nose, we never doubted your strong will and confident that you will be able to go thought these trying times. After the surgery, you recovered quickly and resume to yourself in no time, even with the cone of shame around your neck and a long stitches on your outer lips. You still have that lovely golden smile with you and the endless energy. Back in your minds, we know our time with you are getting more precious. We have been busy bring to parks, visiting new places, new pet friendly cafes and meeting new people to make new friends. Incidences of you walking into glass doors, knocking into mirror walls, jumping onto a waiter while serving our hot minestrone soup causing it to spill all over the floor. These are little sweet memories that you have created for us. It may be insignificant then, but it is so precious to us now.
All was good and well for a while, you had your first chemotherapy session, we held you tightly as the doctor and staff administered the chemo injection to into your system. It was a quick treatment but somehow you manage to fall asleep during the injection, you are truly indeed fearless or just enjoying everyone hugging you to hold you down to prevent suddenly movement. You must be a fan of group hug with you in the center of it. After few weeks down the road, Jo noticed there’s a small spot similar growth near the same area where the first cancer growth was removed. Since your scheduled check up was coming up soon, we inform the doctor of the growth and got it checked again and monitored closely for any changes of the growth. Our worst fear became a reality, the recurring growth has been growing rapidly and it’s confirmed the cancer has returned. Second surgery was arranged, blood test and x-ray was taken to ensure that you body was able to handle the stress from the surgery. The x-ray came back and the doctor put it up on the light box, the doctor inform us if the difference between the x-ray taken today and the x-ray taken during the first surgery. The cancer cells has spread into the lungs, the doctor was very wary of proceeding with the surgery in the current condition. Fearing that there might be complication during the surgery or during your recuperation after the surgery. We ask the doctor for some time to discuss and called back home inform the family of the your situation. Finally, we decided to cancel the second surgery and wait for the vaccination to counter the cancer cells in the lungs and prevent any further spread of the cancer. When you are stronger and better, we will quickly arrange for the surgery to remove the tumor. It was one of the most difficult decision we made thus far in balancing the quality and the longevity of your life, we wanted you to have good life rather and adding years to your life with suffering and pain. We didn’t know if we made the right decision or not, but it was the best we can do at the current time and place to keep you safe with you, all we can do is hope for the best and the vaccination will arrive in time for you.
Over the weekend, we decided to bring you to your favorite park, we walk you around and take photos of you. The sun rising when we reached the park and took photos of you yawning with the sunrise behind you. Another photo of you with the sun light coming out from your mouth. Next we proceed to walk you around the park. You were happy and jovial through out the walk. You make silly poses and curiously busy with everything and everyone around you. We had a splendid time with you with occasional scared when your tumor was bleeding a bit, but Jo manage to clean up and attend to it. You were unfazed with it at all and seems to be enjoying the attention we are giving to you and subsequent distracted by sniffing Pomeranian passing by. I have planned something for you to do, which can only be done by you for Jo and me. It didn’t turn exactly out what I have intended but the outcome nevertheless was captured on video and we will forever treasure that special moment for all of us. After the park, we detour for a short stop at my house and you met my dad. My dad patted your head and you shook hands with my dad when you were asked to hand hand. We finally sent you back home to get some rest and as usual you will be standing up in the car for the entire journey in the car. You’ll be busy looking at cars and things outside passing by, need to prompt Jo to hold on to you as we are making a turning so that you won’t slide off from your seat. You are very smart dog, leaning into the back of the front seat for leverage as I make a turning, once you were leaning towards me and I can hear your breathing with your saliva dripping over my shoulder, showers of blessings pour over me. It was indeed a good day for all of us on that wonderful day.
On the following weekend, I was out when Jo called me, saying you vomited and there was blood, it could have been from the tumor bleeding. Jo was on her way to bring you to see the doctor. Jo manage to inform the local veterinary hospital on your condition and medicine was prescribed for your condition hope that you will feel better. I came over to see you later in that afternoon, you were alert and aware of your surrounding. The rain was coming and there was a slight thunder sound, knowing how afraid you are of that sound, you went to the back room to hide. I went in with you and slept on the bed in the back room with you on the floor next to me. Occasionally I will wake up to check on you and patted you gently to let you know that I’m there with you while you sleep. Looking back now, even just being with you doing nothing knowing you are safe and alive was a greatest feeling ever.
Few days later, received a call from Jo that you had a seizure. She was in tears, her voice was shaking with fear and very distressed. I quickly rush to you as fast as I can, my thoughts were flooded with many uncertainties.When I reach there, I saw you stood up and walked towards me and greeted me with a same familiar smiling face. Happily I rub your fur as you slide down to sit. Looking very frail, I sat down with you at the car porch and gently pet you. For that brief moment, nothing was more important than just sitting next to you. I will remember that night as it was last time that will I see that beautiful golden smile.
The next day afternoon you suffered another seizure, we quickly drove you to a private vet hospital. Jo was crying as she held you closely throughout the journey to the hospital. We quickly set you in the consultant room and explain your situation. The doctor explained there’s a high possibility that the cancer cells has spread to your brain, causing the seizures. You are even more weak and gasping for air now. Jo kept soothing you with tears kept streaming down her face. The doctor advise us to consider the alternative to let you go as you are in suffering now. We told doctor we understand, please give us a few moments with you. Jo called mom and dad to update them on your situation. She also called her brother and sister to inform them as well. It was very heart wrenching decision that all of us have ever made to let you go so that you’ll not suffering in pain anymore. We ask the doctor to give us some time to wait for Jo’s family to come to see you one last time. I gently lift you up and placed you at a waiting area as Jo’s family making their way to the hospital. When all of us was there, we all gathered in another consultation room to wait for the doctor to prepare the injection. We were all crying and patting you. Tears covering our eyes as we said our goodbye to you, I kissed you on your cheek with my eyes filled with tears. As the doctor proceeded with the injection, your breathe became softer and softer, your beating heart slowly fade away. We continue to pat and rub you as you lie there peacefully. Our hearts are very sadden with your leaving us, you have been with the family for more than 10 years and I have known you for almost 6 years.
I didn’t realized how much you meant to me since now you are gone forever. I will miss your golden cheeky smile. I didn’t know how much I have grown attached to you and look forward to see you every weekend. Whenever I was having a bad day, Jo will tell me of your silly antics through out the weekday. Once you wipe your eyes discharge on my face, barked at me to get your toy burger that you accidentally roll out the gate, your sharp claws as you jump on me, sat in front of me with your back facing me expecting a good massage, I kept on stepping your saliva that you left around the living room, I remembered once you sheepishly licked my face and looked away after that. There’s one thing that I didn’t notice until recently when we realized that I was able to walk you on the leash just the both of us. Previously, when I walked you on the leash, you will always turn back when Jo walking behind us. If Jo is walking in front of us, you will paced quickly to walked next to her, I was unable to walk in sync with you. Then we realized in the last couple of months we were accompanying you to the veterinary hospital, I was walking with you in the hospital corridors, walking with you in the waiting area, walking you outside the grassy area for you to pee and walked your back to the waiting area. Unconsciously during those times, we have slowly accustomed to each other pacing and presence. I felt a sense of accomplishment to be able to gain your trust and your affection throughout all these years. You have filled everyone around you with love and joy unconditionally. Now you have left a big gap in all our hearts and your 2 brothers at home. Your spirit indeed has grown bigger than your body can contained. You are free now to roam and soar high above the heavens to your heart’s content. There’s nothing to hold you back and thank you for the wonderful years of memories that you have left in your hearts. I’m forever grateful to have you in my life and in my heart.
You left us peacefully on 29 July 2016, around 4.30pm and will be forever missed dearly. I tearfully kissed on your your cheeky again after you have left us, as I cleared away my tears and watery nose using my hands, I sneakily wiped my hands on you. Hoping that you will remember me and carry my tears of gratefulness and happiness with you wherever you go.
I will tell you more about it when I see you again my dear furry friend.
Your best buddy,
Fei Fei
3 August 2016
